hey dollfaces

this is how i will update you all on my california adventures, and hopefully send some sunshine && NO MORE SNOW your way to Minnesota & Michigan. my M&M girls <3>

so today is thrusday, february 27th and it just snowed, about 5 inches.

and i had to buy little travel sized things, less than 3 ounce containers

so that cost me about $40.00

so that was really fun, OH! and i skipped class today.

rebel, i know, i know

now i'm up to my afternoon activities: napping, music-ing, watching gilmore girls,

pretty much everything BUT packing.

surprise!surprise!

OH! i have a swimsuit packed. like i actually am going to wear it or something.

loveloveLOVE,

CA

spring fever has hit winona

i'm going to
CALIFORNIA on Friday of this
week! i can't even
believe it's here,
already! Palm Springs,
Friday-Wednesday and then home for
then rest of the weekend!

to visit with my Amelia:

loveloveLOVE, CA

AMELIA EVELYN BUTCHER

today i know the heart of life is good:

2/21/09

9:43pm

6lbs5oz

19 inches long

happy birthday amelia evelyn butcher :)

loveloveLOVE,

CA

i am finding inspiration is the weirdest of places.....

SO my lovely ladies, this is a showbread poem.

and i think i love it.

it's werid, but don't we already know that about showbread?!

loveloveLOVE,

CA

Tonight is the last night that I will walk alone. tonight is the last night i will call this place my home. i have fought many windmills, and chased after wind. i've clasped my hands around nothing again and again. we're all just bleeding to death from self inflicted wounds. we're all obtainting careers to provide our dooms. blindfolded and naive. lay our treasures in our fireplaces. place our children on the train tracks and pull the wool over their faces. i have made some twin with selfish ambition and thread. and sewed up my cuts before i'd be dead. i tied knots with faith in the world and myself. living for pleasure and toiling for wealth. i played outside for years with a butterfly net. chasing the wind every day before the sun set. then i cried into my pillow and clinched my fists, and looked for new things to sew up my wrists. ignoring the voice that whispered "goodnight sweetheart.." i refuse to admit the stitches are coming apart. the years all went by and i am alone, everything has turned to dust that i called my own. i can't find something worth anything as far as i can see, the jars for the wind i've been chasing are empty. nothing in this world has lasted or put hope in my heart, the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart. just beneath my wrists i watched this scarlet puddle grow. i can't find anything more that i can use to sew. at the end of my rope is a dangling noose, i have tied while living for nothing, and found nothing of any use. i am tired of fighting windmills and i'm tired of chasing the wind, i will not open my hands to find nothing ever again. then his voice whispered to me before i closed my eyes, "i have already given you my life, so why is it that you chose to die?" then i saw him there standing over me, i covered my wrists, afraid that he would see. i couldn't look in his eyes and i felt so ashamed. i tried to hide all the blood colored stains. and my voice was shaking as i started to cry, i could feel that soon i was going to die. "i have nothing to fill all the holes in my heart ... the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart. i have chased after wind for a very long time, still i have nothing worth saying is mine. everything i did was for nothing and now i'm bleeding to death. and when I'll be dead i will still not have rest." as the blood ran down like the tears in my eyes, the only thing i have heard that has freedom from lies, spilled over his lips on to me. pale and broken. of all of the words i have heard to be spoken. all of the sorrow and all the regret. the years, the toil, the butterfly nets, this wasted life and all of this ... this never ending emptiness ... washed away below my arms in the blood that poured down, the thread and the stitches fell to the ground. his words blanketed me as my pain reached it's end, "I've loved you forever, and my love never ends."

in the summertime when the weather is hot

summer cannot come soon enough. i'm sick of classes...homework...school in general.

i just want summer, and my triplet time for months & months & months.

and then, i, get to come back down to WSU for 1 semester & then internship!

&&& then MY graduation.

i haven't told jillian & amber (nor anyone else) that i'm not going to the WSU graduation

...i'm going out to H-DALE, for my sister's graduation :)

next year scares the crap outta me. because i won't have anyone down here- besides like 3? people that i'm close too, it'll be a challenge, and all i have are dumb classes!

so maybe, that would be a good semester to meet someone?

i'm going to be doing a LOT of coffee shop visits!

summertime, is going to be wonderful! full of working, beaches!, sunsets & sunrises, coffee shops, cabin trips (we must!), life changing decisions and triplet time.

warm weather!

skirts!!

flip flops!!!

BIG sunglasses

(ps, i just order 2 pairs from forever21 accessories, they are HUGE)

!!!!!!!!!

lots and lots of minneapolis time?

oh, and south carolina?! beaches, breezes, southeran gentlemen?

loveloveLOVE,

CA

hi! don't tell jillian (jmo7148)

opalgreen16 (4:07:58 PM): is there a WILD game tonight?
jmo7148 (4:08:03 PM): nope
jmo7148 (4:08:04 PM): tomorrow
opalgreen16 (4:08:04 PM): did you saturday's? i was pissed.
opalgreen16 (4:08:11 PM): YAY! lets watch tomorrow night
opalgreen16 (4:08:20 PM): watch saturday's*
jmo7148 (4:08:31 PM): i didn't
jmo7148 (4:08:34 PM): but i know they lost
jmo7148 (4:08:43 PM): and by wednesday i guess i mean thursday
opalgreen16 (4:08:46 PM): yeah they were up by 3 and than lost 5 to 3
jmo7148 (4:08:47 PM): and it's on KSTC
opalgreen16 (4:08:59 PM): oh well i can still watch it! cause i don't have my night class!
jmo7148 (4:09:10 PM): what are you going to watch it on?
opalgreen16 (4:09:10 PM): or not watch it? cause we don't get that channel
jmo7148 (4:09:14 PM): haha
jmo7148 (4:09:17 PM): i know
jmo7148 (4:09:18 PM): blows.
opalgreen16 (4:09:22 PM): green mill?
jmo7148 (4:09:31 PM): ooo.
opalgreen16 (4:09:31 PM): ground round?
jmo7148 (4:09:33 PM): dude
opalgreen16 (4:09:55 PM): "outercourse". did you know? used to be called "petting".
jmo7148 (4:09:59 PM): i've eaten out thursday, friday, last night, and today
jmo7148 (4:10:03 PM): haha!
jmo7148 (4:10:08 PM): i'm poh.
opalgreen16 (4:10:19 PM): poh?
jmo7148 (4:10:25 PM): poor
opalgreen16 (4:10:29 PM): nice
jmo7148 (4:10:32 PM): i try
opalgreen16 (4:10:37 PM): lots of rubbing...hah!!
jmo7148 (4:10:52 PM): oh great.
opalgreen16 (4:10:56 PM): LOL!!!!!! no entry! (that's your stance)
opalgreen16 (4:11:04 PM): OH. and mine.
jmo7148 (4:11:18 PM): pretty much.
opalgreen16 (4:11:32 PM): pretty much?
opalgreen16 (4:11:35 PM): ohhhh jillian....
jmo7148 (4:11:45 PM): no no!
jmo7148 (4:11:51 PM): dude not gonna lie
jmo7148 (4:11:52 PM): i thought about it
opalgreen16 (4:12:13 PM): welp. me too.
opalgreen16 (4:12:21 PM): but not just for a night
jmo7148 (4:12:34 PM): and friday came damn close
jmo7148 (4:12:36 PM): i know!
jmo7148 (4:12:38 PM): that's my deal
opalgreen16 (4:12:44 PM): oh gross. not with him
opalgreen16 (4:12:46 PM): haha
jmo7148 (4:12:48 PM): haha!
opalgreen16 (4:13:00 PM): and your period? damn gina
jmo7148 (4:13:09 PM): no!
jmo7148 (4:13:12 PM): it was done by then
opalgreen16 (4:13:52 PM): to each their own. i suppose.
jmo7148 (4:14:04 PM): haha
jmo7148 (4:14:06 PM): i suppose
jmo7148 (4:15:14 PM): i think he was getting a little upset about the whole thing though...
jmo7148 (4:15:17 PM): welp
jmo7148 (4:15:18 PM): too bad
opalgreen16 (4:15:23 PM): i can't believe you thought about it with j-bag
opalgreen16 (4:15:30 PM): oh well
jmo7148 (4:15:30 PM): haha why not?
opalgreen16 (4:15:33 PM): ick
jmo7148 (4:15:39 PM): oh carrie
opalgreen16 (4:15:42 PM): i think....differently....
jmo7148 (4:15:52 PM): earlier that day
jmo7148 (4:15:54 PM): at
jmo7148 (4:15:54 PM): um
jmo7148 (4:15:55 PM): chula
jmo7148 (4:16:10 PM): well, casey told ashley about him, and her and cj were asking about him
jmo7148 (4:16:22 PM): and sure enough, when we get to the game, he's standing right by the entrance
jmo7148 (4:16:31 PM): and i'm like "what's up?" and all that jazz
jmo7148 (4:16:44 PM): and they HAD to stop at the concession stand before we left
jmo7148 (4:16:53 PM): and they're like "jillian, he's hot. if you don't tap that, i will."
jmo7148 (4:16:58 PM): and i'm like Good God
opalgreen16 (4:17:25 PM): EWWWWWWWWWW
opalgreen16 (4:17:27 PM): not ok
jmo7148 (4:17:34 PM): haha!
opalgreen16 (4:18:00 PM): anyways, i feel differently about that whole situation
jmo7148 (4:18:11 PM): not by much
opalgreen16 (4:18:13 PM): and about sex. but that's just me
jmo7148 (4:18:16 PM): oh yes
jmo7148 (4:18:17 PM): well
jmo7148 (4:18:20 PM): idk
opalgreen16 (4:19:39 PM): well you should!
opalgreen16 (4:19:45 PM): you're not even on bc
jmo7148 (4:19:45 PM): haha i know
jmo7148 (4:20:00 PM): i know i know
jmo7148 (4:20:41 PM): idk carrie
jmo7148 (4:20:48 PM): i don't want to be 'that girl'
jmo7148 (4:20:52 PM): w/ him
jmo7148 (4:20:55 PM): so i haven't and won't
jmo7148 (4:21:13 PM): but casey's whole stance is getting to me
jmo7148 (4:21:17 PM): '3 months left, fuck it'
opalgreen16 (4:21:35 PM): well that's shitty. and extremely immature of her. is what i think.
opalgreen16 (4:21:55 PM): plus, have you seen her bf's? with the exception of dan?
jmo7148 (4:21:56 PM): i can see that too
jmo7148 (4:22:03 PM): i haven't actually
opalgreen16 (4:22:09 PM): not...so...good...
opalgreen16 (4:22:49 PM): plus they treated her shitty, and that really pissed me off
jmo7148 (4:22:58 PM): yeah
opalgreen16 (4:23:05 PM): and she's used to that.
opalgreen16 (4:23:18 PM): and that's just wrong. no one should be treated poorly.
jmo7148 (4:23:22 PM): i know
opalgreen16 (4:23:25 PM): really pisses me off
opalgreen16 (4:23:29 PM): with anyone
jmo7148 (4:24:09 PM): i guess it's just weird
jmo7148 (4:24:11 PM): or feels weird
jmo7148 (4:24:18 PM): because he's come over how many times
jmo7148 (4:24:23 PM): and we've never done it
jmo7148 (4:24:25 PM): obviously
jmo7148 (4:24:26 PM): you would know
jmo7148 (4:24:28 PM): and
jmo7148 (4:24:31 PM): he's asked before
jmo7148 (4:24:40 PM): and it's understood that anything major like that is up to me
jmo7148 (4:25:13 PM): but i feel like he probably thinks i'm a tease or whatever
opalgreen16 (4:25:29 PM): well he's used to loose girls
jmo7148 (4:25:34 PM): he's not though
jmo7148 (4:25:35 PM): that's the thing
jmo7148 (4:25:48 PM): they hang around, but it's not like that
opalgreen16 (4:25:53 PM): so he says.
jmo7148 (4:26:06 PM): welp, he's been honest about everything else
jmo7148 (4:26:18 PM): and
jmo7148 (4:26:21 PM): i f'ed up
jmo7148 (4:26:23 PM): before
jmo7148 (4:26:30 PM): and didn't tell you about this
jmo7148 (4:26:31 PM): ok
jmo7148 (4:26:31 PM): so
jmo7148 (4:26:36 PM): over break the benchmark thing
jmo7148 (4:26:44 PM): when he stayed over then too
jmo7148 (4:26:45 PM): welp,
jmo7148 (4:26:48 PM): jillian's a dumbass
jmo7148 (4:26:56 PM): and was V.E.R.Y. drunk
jmo7148 (4:26:57 PM): as was he
jmo7148 (4:27:00 PM): and whatever
jmo7148 (4:27:06 PM): we were
jmo7148 (4:27:09 PM): 'petting'
jmo7148 (4:27:09 PM): ha
jmo7148 (4:27:13 PM): i just really wanted to say that
jmo7148 (4:27:33 PM): and my dumb drunkass told him i thought about sleeping w/ him this summer
jmo7148 (4:27:45 PM): so now i also feel like he kinda expects it
jmo7148 (4:27:53 PM): which shouldn't have anything to do w/ it
jmo7148 (4:27:54 PM): and doesn't
jmo7148 (4:27:55 PM): yet
jmo7148 (4:27:58 PM): but damnit
jmo7148 (4:28:00 PM): idk
jmo7148 (4:28:48 PM): and this weekend
jmo7148 (4:28:55 PM): when we met his group of friends
jmo7148 (4:29:04 PM): they were like "so you're jillian?"
jmo7148 (4:29:08 PM): what does that even mean?!
jmo7148 (4:29:12 PM): greaaat.
jmo7148 (4:29:26 PM): and i shed, like a dog,
opalgreen16 (4:29:31 PM): that he has a big mouth
opalgreen16 (4:29:34 PM): i g2g dicussion
opalgreen16 (4:29:35 PM): brb
jmo7148 (4:30:12 PM): and he had his black coat sweater thing over and he was at work and his friend pulled a blonde hair off of it and goes "so who are you seeing?"
opalgreen16 (4:33:42 PM): hah. good thing i payed rent for him this summer!
jmo7148 (4:33:57 PM): carrie!
jmo7148 (4:34:22 PM): welp
jmo7148 (4:34:30 PM): i suck is pretty much the moral of the story
opalgreen16 (4:34:57 PM): no not what i'm saying. at all.
jmo7148 (4:35:05 PM): i know
jmo7148 (4:35:08 PM): but it's true
opalgreen16 (4:35:10 PM): i just think you're better than that!
jmo7148 (4:35:12 PM): why can't i just let it go?
opalgreen16 (4:35:39 PM): cause he's your first, of sorts
jmo7148 (4:35:47 PM): well damnit
jmo7148 (4:35:51 PM): i'm starting to piss MYSELF off
opalgreen16 (4:36:10 PM): but you will feel different and completely sure of yourself when you find your bf
opalgreen16 (4:36:57 PM): and it will be WONDERFUL
opalgreen16 (4:37:10 PM): and you'll just do what you do with him
opalgreen16 (4:38:55 PM): because it'll be for a different reason
jmo7148 (4:39:56 PM): i hope so.
opalgreen16 (4:40:04 PM): i know so.
opalgreen16 (4:41:31 PM): i'm this firm believer that, personally, if something doesn't feel right. at all. it's not. it's not practice makes perfect, it's not try again next time. it's not again....and you move on.
opalgreen16 (4:41:47 PM): it's not ask me in a week.
jmo7148 (4:41:55 PM): it's the moving on part that's hard
jmo7148 (4:42:10 PM): because why isn't it right, why not practice...all that jazz
jmo7148 (4:42:14 PM): i gotta know
opalgreen16 (4:43:12 PM): and, as you can see, i build a wall of hatred towards that person or toward people i don't think are good enough for my friend they are trying to get with. believe you me, i would've told amber if i was not a fan of matt...but i was. i don't agree with sleeping together, but i can't stop them.
jmo7148 (4:43:51 PM): i know he's not good for me
jmo7148 (4:44:07 PM): jeff told casey the appicelli boys were trouble
jmo7148 (4:44:13 PM): which i thought was funny
opalgreen16 (4:44:13 PM): i don't wanna be with a guy who had several experiences, with several girls, or any girl. because he'll be picturing what he did with her...and not me. i don't wanna know about a sexual past of his....i don't wanna know ANYTHING
jmo7148 (4:44:14 PM): but
jmo7148 (4:44:38 PM): carrie i know what you mean
jmo7148 (4:44:41 PM): and i follow you
jmo7148 (4:44:48 PM): but look how well that's working out
opalgreen16 (4:44:59 PM): i have faith that it will work out.
jmo7148 (4:45:01 PM): i'm trying to learn why and what the deal is
jmo7148 (4:45:10 PM): i know you do
jmo7148 (4:45:11 PM): i'm losing mine
jmo7148 (4:45:58 PM): my freaking brother has a gf
jmo7148 (4:46:00 PM): i mean come on
opalgreen16 (4:46:03 PM): see, and that's the thing. i find it really REALLY frusterating that girls who do whatever/whenever. get the GOOD boys, and the boys that will be with them and stand by them forever....and i have to wait
opalgreen16 (4:46:53 PM): but i deliberately remove myself from a situation, that if i don't do anything (ANYTHING) i don't know what i'm mnissing yet.....
opalgreen16 (4:47:03 PM): which is why i run outta houses, before boys try to kiss me
opalgreen16 (4:47:36 PM): which has only happened once...or twice....
opalgreen16 (4:48:17 PM): BRB! i'm moving to the lib to work on my paper
opalgreen16 (4:53:24 PM): do you have any ibprophen with you?
jmo7148 (4:53:33 PM): i don't no
opalgreen16 (4:54:17 PM): ok well we can finish talking later, or never again! but i g2g work on my paper before class. see you at 8:30!!!!
jmo7148 (4:54:24 PM): k
opalgreen16 (4:54:30 PM): byyes black
jmo7148 (4:54:34 PM): lata white

anways, sorry i couldn't finish highlighting my AIM with her AIM. but you get it! i just wanted to get your opinions, on how i did talking to her? i feel kinda like a judgemental asshole....so both your opinion's matter the most to me!

ps. all of my thoughts apply to you two :)

loveloveLOVE,

CA

i'm stoked.

tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i leave at 7:50pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okayokay, remember when....

remember when i met mike? and we watched "what kind of husband, you should NOT be?" that was fun!

i'm excited for our weekend together :) yeahyeah!

i have to hang with lexi, cause she is going off the deepend again.

so mindi & i are getting together with her, to try to fix this situation.

remember when that guy RIPPED ONE at the project concert?

remember when we bought cold duck & drank is on the kowalski's dock && that CREEPER came over to us? hah. loser

remember when we bought housecoats. HAH.

remember when we were obsessed the Olympics, and still are?

remember when we got 7lbs of chiense food, each?

remember when we went to see the paulding lights, and my mom brought 2 mini bottles of wine with? and your family just laughed the whole time, because they were NOT what you expected?!

remember anna's a model? yeah:

remember we are BESTFRIENDSFORLIFE.

ps: remember when you bought this men's health for ryan lochte?

that was AWESOME.

loveloveLOVE,

CA

helllo triplets!

yup. i have a mustache. and it matches my sweater :) i'm so excited for this weekend, i really, honestly, CANNOT wait to be home again with reunited with BOTH of my sisters! we need to take lots&lots and pictures, and ya know, have massive updating &&& 'bou vists. i'm think 96 caribou's meeting room? OH! and jackers too. we need to bounce around ideas of our new apartment?

! since this is just for you two, i'm sitting in my underwear & tshirt & triplet slippers !

loveloveLOVE,

CA

OH! and my niece, she smiles for the camera:

here's what i've been up to...

falling in puddles:(

ending in the WORST wet sock, wet boot, wet everything.

but i am fully stoked to see meggers this weekend.

and see both of my loves next weekend :)

and waiting for my amelia to be born...ps having 2 nieces and a nephew is expensive!

i don't wanna be a singleauntie!!!!!! i spend $20 yesterday at target, on valentines for them and

babyshower stuff for amelia.

oh! and reading this in one of my classes:

loveloveLOVE,

CA

hello darlings.

we should

move to

north or south carolina.

it will be wonderful :)

loveloveLOVE, CA